Find You In The Dark: Book Review

Book: Find You In The Dark (Find You In The Dark #1)
Author: Meredith Walters
Genre: New Adult, Romance, Young Adult, Contemporary, Dark, Mental Illness, Self Harm, Suicide, Drama
Rating: 4/5 stars

Maggie Young has got the normal love down pat. She has the perfect family life, great friends, she’s doing well in school, and she’s pretty easy on the eyes. But normalcy is a far cry from what she really wants. Nothing has interested her until recently, until the new kid came to town.

Clayton Reed has not had an easy childhood. Coming from a family that pays no mind to him, he resulted to acting out growing up. Getting into drugs and alcohol at a young age has done a number on him, and he now suffers from different disorders – none of which he has tried to overcome. Refusing proper treatment, he goes on playing his condition down, and now he uses Maggie as a crutch.

The problem is, when the issues lie within your demons, no one can help you but yourself. Clay and Maggie have a rollercoaster relationship, where their highs are fantastic, but their lows are toxic. Will they be able to be what the other wants or will this need to ignore the issues in front of them be the reason they fall apart?

**WARNING**

This is by no means a happy book. It may be a contemporary, but it is so heartbreaking and terrifying. Be prepared.

The prologue does a number on you already. This poor girl is wiping her boyfriend’s blood off of the bathroom, so you already have the tone set for where this book is going to go. You make connections with the characters, and you enjoy their interactions. I was in tears half of the time because I was always thrown for a loop with how hard Clayton felt things, and how he couldn’t control his reactions. It was almost hard to read at some points because of how real what he was going through felt. I have no personal experience in bipolar disorder or multiple personalities disorder so if I sound ignorant in anyway, I apologize.

(Side note: please let me know where I lose my way, I don’t want to insult anyone)

Usually my romance novels don’t go into these issues. The main character(s) often have a darker past, yes, but none involving mental illnesses that reach this level. So going into it, I was at first really frustrated with Clayton’s cold, dismissive attitude. I wasn’t enjoying his broodiness. Then you learn what he’s going through personally and your whole view of him changes. It really goes to show that you should not judge someone by the front they put up.

TREAT PEOPLE THE WAY YOU WOULD LIKE TO BE TREATED, NO MATTER WHAT THEY DO.

I can’t imagine anything Clay is going through being easy. Not only does he have this inner battle with himself every day, but he has no one who really understands what is going on. Yes, he has people to support him, like Lisa and Ruby and Maggie as a new addition, but they still don’t really know what it feels like to be dealing with what he has. His parents are god awful, I cannot stress that enough. This isn’t a story where the teenager just makes his parents out to be terrible people. With full knowledge of what their son is dealing with, they look at him like he is a disgrace to the family and do nothing but ship him off to whatever facility can help him. There is no love and support that a child needs when handling something so heavy. Maggie and his aunt Lisa and Ruby are the only light in his dark tunnel, and when they go out or start to dim he panics and he loses his way.

I finished this book in one sitting. I could not put it down. It left me with a very heavy heart and a new outlook on my life. I appreciated the helplines at the end and I will use that as reference if need be – whether it be for myself or for someone I know. As I said before, I know very little – if not close to nothing about these disorders, but I thought Meredith did a great job in making them seem realistic. There wasn’t an easy moment for both Clay or Maggie. When you get involved with someone who has a mental illness, it is not just that person fighting, but you as well. It is a responsibility that most people are not ready for when they are faced with it, and I thought Maggie did her best with what little room she had.

Clay was so sweet to her on his good days, but it took very little to set him off – which was the main issue for her. Her parents didn’t trust him, her friends were skeptical of him, the school basically stood clear of him as well. It wasn’t easy to handle this on her own. She did remarkably well given the circumstances. I do wish she had gotten help for him before it escalated the way it had, but I understand the questioning she had. It may seem selfish to some, but when you think that going behind someone’s back to get them help will only make it worse, it’s hard to decide otherwise. Clayton tried his best, but his irresponsibility in taking his medication put Maggie off on multiple occasions. When she thought he’d been taking them, he hadn’t been, and she did not know what to expect. You have to remember, these kids are 17… first off, to be dealing with these disorders is already tragic and difficult. But at 17, their knowledge over what to do when these issues are present is minimal. High schools don’t typically teach their students what to do in depth. The courses that do teach you are not mandatory and also spend very little time walking you through each disorder – so again, no help. I loved that the characters weren’t trying to be selfish. They really were being genuine and trying to help each other out in the best way they thought possible. It was much appreciated.

It took me a while to swallow all the events in this book. I had to wait a whole day to write this because I was just at a loss for words. I usually read the light, fluffy romances solely because my workload at school is so dry, I enjoy the easy read. But this book has been on my shelf for months and I needed to get it off my to-read list. It truly was tragically beautiful and very well done. Hats off to Ms. Walters for pulling off such a heavy topic – something I really could not do. I felt very informed and in no way did this feel like someone had just used an illness as a plot line. I felt like it was an issue she had felt strongly about and wanted to make her characters different from the typical ones you see in Contemporary Romance novels. I am excited to read the sequel but I do think I need to wait a bit. This one did its number on me and I need a breather.

The characters were great, the plot was great, the writing was wonderful. Definitely a great read. I do recommend you steer clear if you can’t handle heavy issues like this. It isn’t for everyone. But if you are willing to try something new you will not be disappointed.

I have a whole lot more to say but I’m super tired and I need to go to work tomorrow morning at 8 (it’s 1:48am) so this is what I’m leaving you with.